The Luminous Spirit

How can I promote a fertility course when I keep failing at sustaining my own pregnancies? Man if you only knew how many times I have been asked that.  Kelly, how can you expect people to listen to you, believe you, and be willing to pay for your advice when you can’t even achieve what you are telling people they can?  Yeah, I can achieve it. As a matter of fact, I have 4 different times. Yes it is true I have had 22 miscarriages since 2009. From many chemical pregnancies all the way to a 2nd trimester loss. A loss is a loss. Here is what you truly need to focus on. You see, every live child I have today was the end result of a specific decision I made. Every miscarriage I had was the direct result of me not wanting to have another but not taking care of my body and paying attention to it  enough to nurture my womb to sustain a life.  You see. Pregnancy 1. I used vitex and evening primrose. Pregnancy 2. I used evening primrose. Pregnancy 3 I was trying to kickstart my period and induc

This is a post today that is a deep one so if you are triggered with the mention of loss, please ignore this post today. This is the trauma of miscarriage (my 2021 experience)   So I don’t normally write diary type blog posts, but I felt the need to after a deep meditation I just came out of. Good ole posts like these can seem long winded but literally take me all of 30 minutes to write so here goes. This passed year has been a fucking world wind of emotions for me. Just straight torture emotionally. January I felt my best friend was pulling away and I just honestly didn't understand why. Then I had my billionth miscarriage at 8w4d. I have so much guilt around that. You see, I had no intention of having another baby considering my last son is so attached to me and still breastfeeding. I felt like I was replacing him. I was going to hurt him for bringing another baby in and doing all the things I am doing with him. How replaced and less important he would feel and just betrayed by h